Mary Sue Hunter: Freelance Phoenix
by Nimloth-n-Andunie
Summary: Never, under any cirumstance inturpt a hunters vacation. When it happens, heads will rolls, nails will break and the wizarding world wont know what hit them
1. Angel's come a calling

Hey everyone, Nimloth checking in. Yes, I know unusual, Andu`nie usually writes but nope not this one. This one is done by me. The great Nimloth  
  
Sadly I'm not quite as good at English as And`uine but I try and it doesn't come out all bad  
  
So here is the third installment of the Mary Sue Hunters  
  


* * *

  
Mary Sue Hunters: Freelance Phoenix  
  
Name: Karmah  
  
Position: Freelancer  
  
Eye Color: Hazel green  
  
Hair Color: Waist length blonde hair with red streaks  
  
Hunter since: unknown  
  
Number caught (on record):  
  
Weapons of choice: scythe (staff) and 'alternates'  
  
And so we begin  
  


* * *

  
The sun was warm on her skin and she could hear the waterfall upstream trickling into the tiny swimming hole. Rainforest birds were twittering and she heard some sort of fluffy animal scurry out to the waters edge to drink. For once in her life, Karmah was almost totally relaxed.  
  
This week was a rare vacation in her hectic life of Mary Sue hunting and running her freelance organization. She'd chosen this place specifically for its isolation. Far away from any form of civilization, the tiny rainforest cabin was perfect for the freelancer to take a break 'No one can reach me, I'm all alone and-'  
  
RIIIIIIING  
  


* * *

  
Karmah winced at the sound. 'Ok people can reach me' she grunted and groped around the rock she was lying on, catching her mobile phone before it vibrated off the ledge into the water below. Flipping the phone open, Karmah refused to open her eyes for fear of her tranquil paradise being a dream.  
  
"What?" she mumbled into the phone, wondering why on Earth she'd left it on, cursing silently at whoever had decided to call her.  
  
"Where are your manners Miss Karmah?" Angels voice quipped on the other end. Karmah grunted something unprintable, and sighed  
  
"I'm on vacation, Angel, there had better be some multi-universal disaster for this call." She was not pleased to hear from the second-in-command of the official Mary Sue hunters.  
  
"Well we not exactly sure what's going on. We have a bunch of reviewers stationed at Hogwarts but none of them have reported to us in a while."  
  
Karmah frowned. "Why do you need me? It doesn't sound serious. Send a newbie or a junior in."  
  
"Afraid we can't. The Sue sent fangirls into Middle Earth and we've got every available Hunter, Flamer and rouge character we have taking care of that. Its only me and our senior officer, Gil, holding down the fort here." Angel explained.  
  
"And your stupid regulations stop you or Gil from going 'cause you need at least two Hunters in headquarters at all times."  
  
"Right." Angel sounded almost desperate.  
  
"I'm doubling my fees for this. You own me." Karmah hit the call end button furiously. Back to *BEEP*ing work.  
  


* * *

  
Karmah arrived at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry right on sunset. At first glance, nothing seemed wrong, but the blonde freelancer could feel in her bones that something was awry. As if on cue, the front doors burst open and a junior hunter ran, bawling, from the castle. He barely glanced at Karmah as he fled, running for all he was worth. Karmah quirked and eyebrow and pulled out her mobile.  
  
"Angel, here"  
  
"Ok spill it, What's really going on here?"  
  
"Hello Karmah," Angel was amused. "Are you at  
  
Hogwarts?"  
  
"Don't give me that." Karmah fairly growled, "I just saw one of your juniors running for his life." She shifted her staff from hand to hand feeling angry.  
  
"I don't really know whats going on. That was a new recruit who I send in to do a small investigation a few days ago. We lost contact with him the same day I called."  
  
"Well you got your multi-universal disaster. The castle is fairly oozing with bad vibes. I'll need my specialist equipment for this."  
  
"Shall I send for the bobby pins and crayons?" Angel always seemed to find Karmah's weaponry amusing and she rarely missed an opportunity to mock her.  
  
"Yes, the bobby pins, but the crayons must be top quality. No of those cheap no-name ones, got it?"  
  
Angel chuckled and hung up  
  
Karmah glared at the phone and headed for the castle. Whatever was causing the problem was going to be sorry it ever interrupted her vacation. Oh yes. This time anyone who got in her way was going down.  
  
Karmah flicked up the collar of the leather jacket and strode into the entrance.  
  


* * *

  
Ok peoples, that's it for now. But never fear the next chap is almost done. Should be up by the end of the week  
  
Laters Nimloth *~*The white blossom*~* 


	2. Bad Karmah watch out

Hello everyone, I'm back in the second installment of Freelance Phoenix, hope you enjoy reading it and get as many laughs out of it as Andúnië did. Please review!  
  
(~ *~(  
  
MSH: Freelance Phoenix Chapter 2  
  
*~ *~*  
  
Silence filled the hall.  
  
Dumbledore stopped mid sentence in his conversation with Professor Flitwick, to find a strangely dressed woman glaring at his students.  
  
It was a frightening sight. The red streaks in her, otherwise waist length blonde hair was the only color in her appearance. She was dressed entirely in black leather, from the combat boots on her feet, to the lace up gloves, to the overcoat over her otherwise simple outfit. Her hazel eyes flashed dangerously and the staff in her hand looked like it might snap under the intense grip it was being held in.  
  
"What do I have something in between my teeth or somthin?" She snapped, glaring daggers.  
  
First thing entering Albus Dumbledore's head after her outburst was 'scary' followed shortly by 'angry'. The woman's intimidating presence was already scaring a good deal of his students, although she wasn't a large person. The only evidence of a weapon on the toned girl, was the staff which was splattered with the occasional blood stain and unidentifiable grey, squishy mark.  
  
The hunter stalked over to the headmaster, taking a deep breath in what appeared to be an effort to calm herself and offered her hand.  
  
"The names Karmah, I'm the, uh, I suppose freelancer of the Mary Sue hunters. I take it you have a problem here based upon the fact the junior ran screaming from here a couple of minutes ago."  
  
The aged headmaster rose and shook her hand, looking bewildered.  
  
"Albus Dumbledore, it's a pleasure. But, Miss Karmah, I must confess, I have no clue what you are talking about."  
  
Karmah recoiled like Dumbledore had slapped her across the face. "What? You mean you don't know who the victims are? What a Mary Sue is? Oooh bum."  
  
"Afraid not, Miss"  
  
"You know nothing about why I'm here?" Karmah shook her head incredulously.  
  
"Not a clue" the headmaster remarked, amusedly with a slight twinkle in his wisdom-filled eyes  
  
Karmah's eyes bugged and she collapsed onto the floor. After a moment of heavy breathing, furious muttering and severe hair pulling, She collected herself and calmly requested, "May I be excused for a minute?"  
  
The frazzled hunter walked out of the hall yanking out a strange black box as she went , that Dumbledore recognized as a mobile phone. Once outside, Karmah punched in the numbers with barely controlled hands.  
  
"MSH headquarters, Gil here."  
  
"Gill its Karmah, I need to talk to Angel. NOW"  
  
Gil was slightly taken aback at the emotion in Karmah's voice. She was usually so in control and showed emotion about as often as Angel herself. In other words, never.  
  
Karmah took a deep breath whilst she waited. Her staff was locked in a vice- like grip and was starting to shake.  
  
"Hey Karmah, what's up?" Angel's voice was a little hesitant and, was that a little bit of fear? Nope it was guilt.  
  
"Ok, first you call me off my once in a decade vacation to do some reconnaissance work in a fairly new realm that any newbie could have done. Admittedly when I get here I find its full scale war and im going to get absolutely not help at all on this cuz you off fighting another war in Middle Earth where you screwed up by sending in a /I. Ok that I can handle at a stretch, but heres the clincher. They have no clue what's going on! The realm is totally oblivious to the whole thing!!" By the end of her triad, Karmah had, so to speak, combusted. Her eyes had morphed to a scary lucid green color and people inside could have sworn that something exploded.  
  
"Don't be mad-" Angel started but was cut off  
  
"Don't be mad? Don't be MAD? Im so far past mad that mad looks warm and fuzzy. I'm ...ARGH!!" Karmah was shaking in her fury and couldn't continue. Her staff was the only thing keeping her on her feet, as her legs could no longer do it, and it was looking like giving out at any second  
  
"I'm sorry, ok? But you can see why I called you in. We had some trouble with reports from reviewers about MS movement in Hogwarts, so we sent in that junior to do a quick investigation-" she was cut off once again.  
  
"What was the junior doing, because he obviously wasn't fighting" Karmah momentarily regained the ability to speak.  
  
"He was only supposed to be there one day and report back with reviews on the recent MS activity in the first place, but he never came back. We lost contact for three days, which isn't protocol for a newbie. We're short on hands, and got desperate, so we called you." Angel told the other hunter with a sigh. She was feeling almost guilty about tricking Karmah into going and not telling her the truth from the beginning. "He got captured and tortured by some stalkers for info about HQ because the Sue realized how much we have sent to Middle Earth. He says he didn't say anything, but wouldn't tell us anymore about them. He is currently in therapy." Angel smirked on this and said it eerily cheerfully, but Karmah was too pissed off to chew her out about it. "I supposed," Karmah sighed through gritted teeth, " I understand why you sent me. I don't like it, but I understand."  
  
"You know I don't repeat myself, so I wont say the S word again, but you realize now why I had to ask you to go? No one else really could have gone."  
  
Karmah coughed which sounded suspiciously like Aleaha.  
  
Angel pointedly ignored Karmah's jibe. "Good luck Karms and be careful." Was that worry coming from Miss Ice Queen?  
  
"I'm touched you care, Angel" Karmah dryly stated, "But I don't need it." She smirked, "You know how I love a challenge."  
  
"All the same, keep me posted. You need help let me know. And the concern wasn't for you it was for the next person to walk past you."  
  
Karmah grunted in affirmation and hit the call end button. She sighed and silently cursed her entrance before. The Sue knew she was here now. She needed some serious meditation, but she'd have to make do for now. She closed her eyes, and tried to focus all her negative energy away. She had a job to do and emotions like anger could get in the way. She squared her shoulders and flicked her hair. She eyeballed the door and marched back in.  
  
*~ *~*  
  
Dumbledore jumped when a hand was placed upon his shoulder, which was completely out of character for him  
  
"We need to talk" Karmah said quietly not put out by Dumbledore's reaction.  
  
'Merlin's beard, she can move quietly' thought Dumbledore with wide eyes. No one in the hall had noticed her re-entrance.  
  
"Talk away" He instructed.  
  
"Not here. The castle has ears." Karmah whispered cryptically, placing a stray strand of hair behind her ears.  
  
"Ahhh" Dumbledore said, comprehending but a little confused about the whole situation. "I will meet you at my office in a little while, it's just out the west door and down the hall, until you get to the gargoyle. The password is 'bubblicious'. My newest favorite muggle treat.  
  
Karmah nodded and disappeared into the shadowed. Dumbledore tried to follow her but in the second it took him to answer a question Sprout asked, she was gone.  
  
Or almost  
  
Just before the door, Karmah tripped over some unknown object and fell flat on her face.  
  
She looked up sheepishly and sighed with relief when she notice no one (or almost) her fall. She slunk out of the hall without further incident, leaving a pair of blue eyes to laugh merrily.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Karmah emerged into the hallway from the shadows relaxing ever so slightly, but quickly going back to max focus when she looked around.  
  
"Quiet, too quiet" she mumbled, eyes darting each way as she moved slowly through the sinisterly quiet hallway  
  
'OMG, I have just used the most clichéd line from movie history. Next thing you know, I'll be strutting about saying 'I'll be back' in a corny Austrian accent! How could you. You. Do Not. Use. Clichés. You are more creative than that.' Karmah continued to berate herself about her horrendous slip, whacking her head against her hand with every word. When..  
  
She stopped dead in her tracks, eyes wide and mouth agape.  
  
A hand had just pinched her rear.  
  
*~ *~*  
  
Draco poked his head out of the entrance to the Slytherin common room and carefully, with slight apprehension, looked each way.  
  
Now don't get it wrong, Draco loves the attention he receives from his fan club but lately there seemed to be, well, stalkers following him and swamping him making him late for all his classes which was fine for Potions but Transfiguration was a whole different story. It wasn't like McGonagall liked him or anything.  
  
The blonde Slytherin sighed when he saw the coast was clear. His stomach growled. 'Easy my friend,' he thought 'soon'  
  
He strolled down the corridor and turned the corner.  
  
The sight in front of him was nothing short of hilarious if it weren't for the lady in the center, who was looking slightly crazed and had a very dangerous glint in her eyes.  
  
The hallway was totalled. The angel statue usually standing on the right was missing a leg, had barely half of one wing left, while the other was on the floor in little pieces, and its head was held in its remaining hand. There were bits of armour scattered between the statue pieces and ribbons of tapestry were floating around in the area. The one painting that was unfortunate enough to be placed in this corridor appeared to be pinned up in its frame by bobby pins and the walls had considerable holes beaten into the stone randomly..  
  
Draco surveyed ground zero with curiosity. "Umm, What happened?" he queried.  
  
Karmah looked at him with narrowed eyes. "That Bloody THING! " she snarled, kicking the nearby head of the armory out the dingy window. "It GROPED me!"  
  
Draco quirked and eyebrow and smirked at the freelancer. He looked about to give her the once over but she quipped, " You do and ill castrate you."  
  
He glanced sharply at her face and her eyes were boring a hole into his own, showing she have every intention of doing as she said. She growled and the Slytherin Prince winced.  
  
She rolled her eyes 'Threaten Lil' Johnnie down there and all men are as tame as kitty cats.' She thought sardonically as she stormed away down what was left of the hallway.  
  
(~ *~(  
  
Until next time folks (hopefully by the end of the month)  
  
Nimloth *The white blossom* 


	3. Universal Theories and Mission Briefing

MSH: FP Chapter 3- Universal Theories and Mission Briefing 

"Are you absolutely, positively sure you know nothing about why I might be here? Not even a totally out-there, wild guess?" The freelancer never begs, for any reason, but her desperate pleas were coming close.

"Miss Karmah," Dumbledore said, the normal twinkle associated with him, diminishing from his eye as annoyance set in. "Not in my wildest dreams could I fathom why a character such as yourself could want with my school. Also I'm shocked you could even find the castle, as you appear to have no magical abilities." He paused to blow an enormous pink bubble, bursting it with a loud 'pop'. "However, if I was to hazard a guess, judging by your apparel and what you have said, you are 'hunting'something."

Karmah allowed herself the leisure of dropping her head onto the desk with a resounding thud. A wave of extreme weariness and surrealism consumed her and she found herself flirting with the idea of leaving the headmaster in the dark and going acapella on this. She quickly dismissed it though, as her logical side pointed out, this was too hard for one person to do unaided. Plus she had no backup if things went wrong. 'Besides' she mused, thinking of his mile long silver beard, 'He's been headmaster for decades, surely he know some tricks for containing teenage girls'

In a demonstration of extreme will, Karmah raised her head off the mahogany with a groan. She took a deep breath, trying to summon the energy and the willpower to explain just how bad the situation was. With that though Karmah got a light bulb on how to approach the situation

"Headmaster, sir" Karmah stuttered, trying to find the words, "Have you noticed anything particular...in how ...certain people...have been acting? Or similarly, a dramatic increase in "bad vibes' over the past few weeks? That doesn't include Voldie, these vibes are different, but comparable in that they are both evil vibes. Do you know what I mean?"Karmah prayed to God above that he did: she didn't know if she could rephrase what she was trying to say any other way.

Dumbledore furrowed his brow, and stared skeptically at the huntress, almost as if unsure if he could trust her. After a pregnant pause, he lent forward til he rested on his elbows, hands folded in front of his face.

"Unfortunately I do know what your talking about, as there has been a drastic increase in dark energy within these walls, of a signature that I have never known before."

Karmah gave an almost audible sigh of relief.

"Well that makes this a little easier," She breathed, "The change you felt were the Sue infiltrating your realm. Now you understand about the different realms of the universe, right?

"I have my theories, but if you will, please explain." Dumbledore requested with a wave of his hand, accidentally setting off one of his gold trinkets.

Karmah silenced the object with a glance and spotted his pensive. Her eyes lit up and she walked over to it.

"In the all encompassing space we reside in," She said, using hand gestures to emphasizes the enormity of her words, "There are multiple realms, or if you wish, parallel universes, all co-existing side by side."

She beckoned him over to the basin.

Karmah tapped her head with her staff and placed the silvery strand in the pewter bowl. She tapped the pool, calling forth the image just placed inside.

The room darkened, as seven diversely colored strands flashed across in front of the two, looking very much like a straight rainbow. Except the lines waved and bent. And each line waved a different amount. The red one, by far had the longest wavelength, taking sweeping waves, with vast distances between the tops of each wave. In contrast, the violet line made short and quick waves, looking for all its worth a broken neon light.

"As you can see, each universe has its own wavelength. The red being the lowest and the violet being the highest, just as with the rainbow."

She reached forward and touched the green strand, which separated into many strands of various green coloring.

"And again," She continued, "With accordance to the light spectrum, within each realm are various worlds. You experience this first hand with your correspondence with the muggle world"

She turned back to the diagram where two of the lines had been names; one 'muggle' and the other 'wizard'.

"You exist in the ' 


End file.
